![]() Talk with your teen about productive things they can do to help themselves feel better such as making a point of breathing deeply and slowly.Ībdominal breathing is very calming and helps us to draw oxygen deep into our lungs. One way to do this is to help teens comfort themselves. But if those don’t bring sufficient relief, we can shift away from helping teens express their feelings toward helping them bring their emotions back under control. Most of the time, these first three steps will be enough to help your child. ![]() In other words, trying to change a teen’s perspective doesn't always offer the help that parents hope it will. It’s a huge comfort to teenagers when adults say: “Your feelings make sense and I can understand why you're having that reaction.” If, instead, adults say: “Why are you so upset about that? There are people who suffer much more than you do, right?”, the net effect for teenagers is that they still feel lousy, but now they feel guilty as well. While there's the part of the teenager that's very upset, there's often another part of the teenager that is a little freaked out by how powerful teen emotions can be. Teens sometimes worry that there's something wrong with their feelings because their emotions can be so powerful. Validation is very effective, especially for teenagers. ![]() Adults can try saying something like “that’s terrible” or “I’m so sorry that happened.” 3. After listening carefully, we can further support our teens by simply offering empathy. Most of the time expressing emotions in words provides all the relief a young person needs. So often, well-meaning adults jump in or make suggestions, forgetting that expressing emotions is in and of itself a source of relief. At these times, the key is to let them just say it all. Older children may have an emotional outburst that involves talking in a very distressed way about whatever is wrong. Pause between each step to see if it’s worked. Damour recommends parents try out to help their teens manage a meltdown. What should I do if my teen has an emotional outburst? For example, a teen may hold it together all day at school and then come home and have an emotional outburst. Meltdowns are much more likely to happen at home. Older children are less likely to have meltdowns in public places because they themselves are embarrassed. When children who have the capacity to describe what they're feeling become overwhelmed, they may start sobbing, hyperventilating or storming around. What does a meltdown look like in older children? These emotions could be fear, anger, frustration or something else. This is when a child is completely overtaken by emotion and becomes overwhelmed. Meltdowns can happen in both younger and older children. Please reach out to a specialist if you are worried your child’s strong emotions might be an indication of something deeper. ![]() Note: This general guidance will support most parents in these difficult situations, but some tantrums or emotional outbursts are associated with developmental disorders, such as delayed language skills, hearing or vision difficulties or behavioral issues, which may need more focused support with the aid of a child or adolescent professional. ![]() Lisa Damour about how parents can support their children in navigating difficult or strong feelings. We spoke with expert adolescent psychologist, best-selling author, regular New York Times contributor and mother of two Dr. Being a teenager comes with a lot of big emotions – and they can sometimes be tough to handle. ![]()
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